2001-04-02



Everybody has an ego. Everybody thinks they're the shit. Everybody thinks they're the center of the goddamned universe. I'm making generalizations, forgive me, just go along with my line of thinking.. No one's really mindful of how their actions are affecting life outside of themselves. Whether it's people walking down the sidewalk and they're not aware of the fact that someone is riding a bicycle behind them, or they're sitting somewhere and they didn't notice that someone just sneezed, or someone's trying to make their way past them and they're walking on oblivious while simulataneously irritating the person behind them, or if it's rich corporate suits building a big factory and they're not caring about the effects their pollution are going to have on the environment or the people in the future... It's a lack of mindfulness and respect. And, I've been thinking about what Markita said tonight to me, about how she doesn't see any point in trying to hide her great-ness, her wonderful-ness, why should she try to humble herself and simultaneously lower her self esteem in the process? As if humility had anything to do with thinking you're a bad person. Humility has something to do with understanding that you are no better or no worse than any other human being on the face of the planet. That their poetry is valid too, though it may be bad or uninteresting. That while some art and some music is arguably aesthetically more interesting than other art and music, that's besides the point, we all have to create, we all have to express ourselves, understand our souls, make manifest of our own divinity. But we think that when we allow ourselves to make manifest of our own divinity that it is somehow something that can be said of ourselves, that it is cause for ego boosting, when it really should give rise to patting the creator on the back for giving us this gift, this talent, this opportunity, this moment, this life. Because there are so many amazing people on this fucking planet. I was just surfing the web, and easily, within minutes, I came across severa thinking, articulate, interesting, thought-provoking individuals, and I know even more in real life. I know so many people who are simply amazing. And being amazing is not unique. It's being you that is unique. Learning how to live your own life and learning how to speak your own truth and learning how to fully express yourself and not degrade the sacred (life, poetry, art, music) to the non-sacred (commercialization). We're all on this walk through life, and it's been walked through billions of times before us, and the people who have left the most impressing marks on humanity have often been the ones who tried the hardest at expressing themselves fully, rather than showing off how great the are. They actually worked at it. They put their theory into action. Mother Theresa, for example, is theory in action. So is Rothko, so is John Coltrane, so is Clarice Lispector, etc. What I have to do then, is put my theory into action. But that takes time, patience, and a need to not eat and sleep. If only the body were not an issue....

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