2000-06-16

But I really want to tell you my story!!

See, today I was sitting in the cemetary next to the church next to the Sugar Grove River I mentioned a couple of entries ago. I had decided to go there (after driving around in the countryside and gulping down a Dairy Queen milkshake) because I wanted to write. Really, what I wanted to write was this new thing for my domain, like this new introduction, only it turned into a sort of serial story thing I was working on. And then I was trying to write poetry, and I also wanted to summon the spirits of the graveyard to come and speak to me.

Well, I got spoken to all right, but not by the spirits of the cemetary. I was sitting there on the top of this hill will all these gravestones around me trying really hard to work on these writings. The grass was soft, I was laying on my stomach and the sun was browning my skin. I noticed down at the bottom of the hill next to the bridge over the river was a car and several guys who had just come out of the river. I tried to ignore them and work on my poetry.

I stood up with my arms outstretched before me, while pawing into my left hand with my right hand (it's a technique I use of mine to sensuously excite me as to make poetic thoughts come forth.) Anyway, so picture me standing on this hill touching myself with my arms outstretched before me. One of the guys comes over to me from my immediate left and basically forces me to pay attention to him.

Don't you see that I'm here by myself? Don't you understand that I want to be left alone? I am writing, goddammit. Get away from me. I don't want to talk to you. You look stupid.

He asks me what I am doing. I am writing poetry and short stories for my website. He asks me why I didn't jump in the river with them. Do I look like i'm in swimming clothes? Four other guy-friends of his follow him up to the top of the hill where I was. FUCK! They're like Ants. They're EVERYWHERE.

The first boy we'll call 'shy boy' - The second boy we'll call 'mac daddy' - the third boy we'll call 'sexual innuendo boy' - the fourth boy we'll call 'excessive tattoo boy' - and the fifth boy we'll call 'quiet boy asks deep questions'

These people are NOT my kind of people. Mac Daddy went on and on trying to work his charms on me. Sexual Innuendo boy kept making weird comments here and there of the sexual nature about orgies and masturbation, while wearing his harley davidson hat. Tattoo boy had a million tattoos on his face and a lot of facial piercings, he also had long greasy brown hair and was very pale. (By the way, they were all drinking beer and smoking cigarettes.) Quiet Boy asks Deep Questions sat next to me and watched Mac Daddy and Tattoo Boy talk on and on and ask me weird questions. I didn't say much in the beginning. I was playing extremely hard to get and was giving them a hard time whenever the opportunity arose. They were 'messing around' and 'joking with me' and god knows what else. They were, for the most part, playing the part of your typical early 20's white trash beer boys from ohio. They were enthralled to learn that I smoked pot and were continually amazed that i was a lesbian. (there were many references in that conversation about my sexuality from the get-go.)

I talked with these 5 boys for about 2 1/2 hours. We sat in that cemetary and ended up trying to have a conversation with them. They actually showed interest in what I was saying and really wanted to talk more. I kept 'making them think' 'deep thoughts' ... Tattoo Boy described himself as being shallow, and he himself said that this conversation was making his head hurt but he said that he liked it nonetheless. Sexual Innuendo boy by the end became really nice to talk to, and we talked about music and spirituality... really, things they didn't much talk about at all. Quiet Boy asks deep questions really wanted to talk more with me about enlightenment, or what i called in the conversation 'mental orgasms.' The whole mental orgasms bit really got their attention and they all really wanted to know how to get those. I was having a very difficult time trying to explain that one. Shy Boy, the one who first approached me, said he really wanted to go tripping with me so that we could have good conversations because he likes conversations like those and doesn't get to meet people like me very often.

As it stands now, I've been invited to 'party' with them tomorrow night. Tattoo boy said he would buy a 12 pack of Labatt's Blue in my honor. The rest of them are either excited about smoking pot with me or doing some other drug with me. Tattoo Boy was even trying to talk me into going to a 'Tittie Bar' with him tomorrow night because he wanted to see what my taste in women was like.

Oh my.

God works in mysterious ways, doesn't he? I came home after that and read an email from J and she sounded so morbid. It really upset me because I felt like she's holding back on something. After that experience, I felt weird to be back in my comfortable surroundings and around my family. I felt weird to be full of negativity and I felt weird to be here. Hanging out with those guys totally rearranged my pretty little box and turned it inside out. I'm really giving some serious thought to hanging out with them tomorrow night. I must say that by the end of the conversation, they had all opened up and been honest with me. They all threw away their facades by the end and bared themselves to me. It was a thrilling yet jarring experience, because deep down inside, I couldn't tell if I should trust them or not. But I feel like I might be able to trust them and maybe something good will come out of it.

wish me luck

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